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Captain Knottwit - At last, some intelligence

1st July 2009

Guest Writer: Nice Ant

On undoubtedly one of the hottest Wednesday evening rides in the clubs history - just under thirty of the clubs fastest riders gathered in the traditional MigglyMoo pre-ride fashion , all on time and eager to get going, relishing what promised to be a great night’s ride. On the 6.30pm start time the herd moved on up Turners lane.

The blistering pace set by Tony2 and Daff set an all time record of under the 20 minute mark to get from the Legion to the top cattle grid, the rest of the herd weren’t too far behind, this probably helped by the fact Slug and Lettuce in their altruistic way - stayed at the back to make sure the relentless pace never slowed.

After a very quick stop it was onwards and upwards to the start of what is probably one of the best descents the mountain has to offer, seats were lowered in anticipation, and off they went taking the left into the forestry...
The forestry trail saw some of the moos in breathtakingly blistering form, Bag Of Leaves Russ being just one of many who deserve applauds for a scorching showing of DH prowess.

The Halfway House was the 1st pasture the herd were to enjoy, and it was here that the love guru himself put on an exhibition of his sexual prowess. Straight out of the 'Crocket Seduction Manual' the legend himself - Mr. Owain Crocket, showed us mere mortals how the experts do it.
As he lay on the grass he surveyed the area for any potential love interests, within seconds a lick of his lips and a slight lift of one suave ginger eyebrow indicated this lady killer had eyed his prey...

Two unsuspecting young ladies sat a little across from Crock, oblivious to the impending sexual force that was about to be unleashed upon them...
Crock expertly raised his one leg off the grass revealing a ripped crotch in his shorts, his eyes never once leaving his prey... subtly he delved into his ripped crotch , pulling out what Mark Feather initially thought were two yucker chicks - but were in fact his wrinkled ginger love sack...
Strangely, almost bizarrely - the two young ladies seemed unfazed… so upping his game to full, Crocket tried to engulf them in his infamous sexual powers by then demonstrating how he can tuck his cornflake coloured conkers in his socks…
The herd then set off at the - by now customary - blistering pace up the lane towards the top of the mountain, nobody mentioned the two lesbians or maybe they were transvestites? who mysteriously failed to be consumed in Crockets powers of attraction.

The heat was still unrelenting, the road was almost running with the streams of sweat coming off the brows of the herd, Scrippsy being the powerhouse of the hill climbing he is - was pushing harder than anybody, as he reached the place where a young lady with ample charms had exposed herself to him a week or so before he again became even hotter under the collar - this probably being the straw that broke this old camels back, almost instantly the heat seemed to get to him, even more than before, and as we gathered ready to head down to Bedwas tips it all seemed to get too much for him, taking a mouthful of his water he involuntarily spat it into the unsuspecting Dai the Eye’s eye...

Now there has been some rumbling going on for some weeks - well ever since the team event in the sports evening race - concerning the team player Ant Ryan is - or more appropriately - team player he is not, well that has now been put to sleep for good...
Seeing the distress that the over heating Scrippsy was in, the Schlong proceeded to empty his own water over the head of Scrippsy... When that was done he even used other peoples water, then even going as far as to encourage the other generous MigglyMoos to come to Scrippsy`s help… finally after four and a half gallons, Scrippsy`s heat exhaustion had been quenched… well done Mr Ryan, extra merit points I would think this week.

The tips then beckoned, the moos were like lemmings going over the edge, one after the other they went over .. Pealy in his haste even forgot to go down on his bike...
The next stop was a flying visit to the Forge and Hammer, Kev the plane so in keeping with the fast pace of the ride went flying past without even stopping... Or maybe he was just getting 1st in line for the grub at the TA?

As always, the ride came to an end at the TA, where once again the herd were watered and fed after what was without doubt one of the fastest rides in the clubs history.

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