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Captain Knottwit - At last, some intelligence

6th May 2009


25 Moos gathered in what was to be another classic ride. Some notable absentee’s on the night were as follows:

Wrighty – heard a whisper we were doing the tips.
Farquar – got some sawdust in his eye whilst trying to repair a gearbox.
Daf – refused a day release permit because he forgot to take his medication.
Slug/Pellet – still recovering from the operation to separate them.

The ride started with the much loved ascent of Turners lane. Strong performances up the lane included Johnsy who must now be fitter then he has ever been proving size doesn’t matter and Reg who is beginning to show his true fitness now he hasn’t got 20lbs of equipment to carry as “no lights” was the order for tonight’s ride.

From the top of Turners lane we rode into the forestry and took a tricky when wet route down onto the main fire track. All the moos made it down safely and the whining only started as we climbed back up the fire track to the top of whats known as 2 mile climb.

Despite the wet ground most moos comfortably made the next descent down the Sirhowy side of the valley. The only casualty here was OBE who fell off twice and managed to pick up a puncture at the bottom for good measure. He tried to blame his flat tyre for his 2 falls by claiming he must have punctured at the top and did not realise. Yeah ok Geoff!!

From here it was a pleasant cross country ride which brought us to the small village of Wyllie and to get a much needed refreshment at the Halfway House. Here the plan was to have one or two jars and relax but since our buffoon of a captain stated “No lights this week” time was not on our side and a quick pint was followed by a lane climb up past Brynmeadows Golf Club.

Lane climbing is not the most thrilling part of a ride but for one elder senior moo (no names) it was his highlight of the week. He got to the top of the climb with a Cheshire Cat grin on his face and told us all about the young girl who exposed herself to him. So excited was he that he made his excuses and left at breakneck speed for home. No doubt he was off to the blindspot at the back of his house to do some more breaknecking!

Onward we rode to the top of Bedwas tips and as we started the descent jumping over the mounds it resembled the bike chase scene from the film E.T and when Jimmy Mac went to the front you’d swear it was a 2009 remake. There was no trepidation this time as we approached the first and steepest descent as many moos went straight over the edge and Gaz was to be the first Tip casualty as he gracefully had an over the top experience. 2 weeks running now Gaz. “Know your limits” and leave the big stuff to us more experienced Moos .

Dai Eye deserves a mention at this stage as he rode from the top to the bottom at probably the steepest part of the tip and surprised everyone (himself included) by managing to stay on his bike proving to everyone that age is just a number. The rest of the tips produced some more scary moments for some of the moos and as daylight faded it was back along the cycle track to the TA for much welcomed refreshments.

After another sleep inducing speech by Captain Knotwitt it was on to the awards. They went as follows:
T**T of the month – Schlong – Too many reasons to mention but mainly for being an individual in a team event – Selfish T**t.

Rider of the month – Option – For riding 2 months continually without having at least 6 months off.

Sports Day round 3 next Wednesday – Orienteering – Mountain rescue have been informed and will be on standby. Good Luck.


Kev the plane

P.S. I would like to thank Sian for the hospitality she has shown to us Moos for the last couple of years. All the best for the future Sian, we are going to miss you. xxx

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