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Captain Knottwit - At last, some intelligence

27th February 2008

Yes, I am typing this ride report, yes I am using both hands, and no Gill is not helping me. I believe there is something on here called “spell cheque”, but I don’t think I will be kneeding that.

Anyway, before I start, Captain Knotty dumped me in it this morning as he can’t ride due to a broken toe nail, caused by new boots. Buy a proper pair Steve, Let me tell you, buy these they are top dog - V12 Powerwear – ‘Single minded attention to detail is the hallmark of the entire V12 range which is made using the finest leathers and is distinguished by the distinctive claret and chocolate logo on every boot’.

Knotty has asked me to pass on his apologies for letting us all down by not taking his first ride as captain – Knotty by name, ‘Not Here’ by nature. I say – F##KWITT !!!

Just to point out the ride starts at 6.30, not whenever you all feel like turning up, this year is going to be run properly, not like that ginger muppet, if it wasn’t for Our Mark, things would have been much worse. If you’re not there on time, tuff.

21 riders turned up complaining about the cold air, Let me tell you, not as cold as Little Mill at 3.30 in the morning fixing frozen pipes, you bunch of wimps, stop whinging just get on with it, will you.

Nice to see Gonzo back out, actually wearing proper winter gear, although it must be said he did look like a bonny baby in his all in one’s !!! extra padding for his expected crashes , good planning Gonz, it was needed.

Tell Pealy to shut up about his effing power juice, you’re still fat, it won’t make you any better at riding.

Rumour had it that the Oompa Lumpa was to make an appearance, and catch us up. Ha! catch us up, you seen the size of him lately.

Ride was going to be a bit off the cuff, so it would be up into the woods and then up Ochrwyth to do some downhill on the dry tracks.

Took you all down the new trail, which is bedding in nicely, (I am starting to sound like beaker, enough of that!)

On the way up Ochrwyth, spoke to Oompa about Saturday, guess what the spineless twonk is not going now, supposed to be working – Guess Mr Wonka hasn’t invented a ‘Super Make You Ride Your Bike Long Distances Around Brecon’ chocolate bar yet.

At the top, met the Goons, nice to see their numbers are buoyant this year, but what about all that Jingly Jangly Sh*t Jon still had on his bike, Christmas is over, get it off your bike Jon.

This is where things went a bit off track, still got a load of downhill tracks in, some old ones not ridden for a bit, they need clearing – oy! beaker get out and do some trail clearing, now that you haven’t got your spreadsheet to keep you occupied. Lazy ‘what it was was’ginger whinger, Ha!

By the way did you see the Oompa Lumpa, trundling off down the mountain, heading back home to watch Wonka Vision on his chocolate TV, sitting in his chocolate armchair, munching away on the arm rest. Much better atmosphere for the rest of the ride now that the boys could openly discuss the forthcoming away trip, without fear of upsetting the Oompa. F#@& him!

All down safely, and back to the T.A. as requested by Captain ‘Not Here’ for his briefing at 9.00 – surprise surprise – he was not there. Looks like it will all be down to me this year, just like Our Mark last year.

The mood was very upbeat with all riders looking forward to Saturday, what a day it will be for all those going, meeting at 8.30 at the Fwrrwm, all drivers are sorted, accommodation sorted, route sorted, food will be sorted via emails from Ant, beer money available, there you are see organised like a proper trip should be. Look out for more events during the year.

That’s it for now, hope you have all had an insight as how to organise things properly, that’s what it will be like all year, so get your bikes out and get riding those of you who have not been around much lately, cause we are in for a proper years riding –

Let Me Tell You!

Tom

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