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Captain Knottwit - At last, some intelligence

15th April 2009

MIGGLY MOOS SPORTS EVENINGS 2009

EVENT 2 – BUMHOLE CHASE TEAM PURSUIT

Here is the un-biased abridged opinion of Captain Knottwit:-

FECKING AWESOME 2

Again it twas a tale of two halves – following hasty re-ordering of teams by our esteemed Vice, 5 teams were to assemble. Big thanks to Chrissie for stepping in at the last minute and foregoing his studies only to be sent home. Big thanks also to those riders who couldn’t be arsed to advise they weren’t riding. 7 teams were originally planned !!

Anyway the first 10 riders were to leave the Hairybush Start Line resembling 10 knackered donkeys waiting to be ridden at Blackpool Pleasure Beach before tackling the cinder track climb to the main fire road and then to the top of the quarry run. No jostling was to be seen with all intent to be first up said climb. On event news was soon received from the Official Scout (Ribs Owgie) that Schlong was on it leaving his riding buddy OBE miles behind, even before he got to the quarry. Further Scout news was broadcast as the Leg A riders descended the quarry run with Ribs Owgie reporting the sight of a “pelaton but with large gaps” which seemed to increase significantly as they climbed back up the quarry. Further news arrived from the position of our on-event commentator and camera crew of Dickie Scrippsy Davies and Dave (sha**ging Scrippsy’s Daughter) Snowdon who had positioned themselves at an appropriate action point on Garlic Lane. Sclong made it through Garlic first closely followed by the class act of Jock as he literally flew down Garlic not dabbing as he went. Jim was seem to do much the same but not quite as fast. OBE was also lunging it and keeping his feet firmly planted on his pedals. Big entertainment news came as Wrighty - reminding himself of his namesake and the very first air flight by man decided to re-enact the event with catastrophic circumstances as he flew through the air with all the precision of a wingless bird, leading to a big fall. Enzo despite riding his new bouncer got it completely wrong down Garlic deciding to treat his bike like a dog and take it for a walk instead. So it was Schlong to reach the telephone box first but failing to bring his partner OBE he was made to wait before OBE appeared. Berni and Kev were therefore the first team to make it home closely followed by Harty/Jock; Jim/Enzo; Schlong/OBE and finally Ade/Wrighty.

Further reports amassed as Leg B riders began their assault. Having forgot his Sat Nav Dai Eye managed to completely miss out the quarry run and head direct to Garlic. Clearly his wise old ways were to be the better of him later confessing “to pay not too much attention to the route”. This was to be his teams downfall (plus a bit of time lost by Wrighty) as he and Crock trundled in a solid last place some 12 minutes behind the winning team. Garlic was soon to resemble Beeches Brook as more fallers were seen by the chuckling Scrippsy with Tony 2 taking the first tumble as shouts of “slow down you fool” seemed to fall on deaf ears leading to rapid acceleration and an inevitable off. He was closely followed by Dafney, Rog and Pealy also falling in the same area. Option, Dickie, Harty and Crock showed good speed through Garlic with no dabbing evident. So the winners were Berni/Kev/Tony/Dickie with last placing going to Ade’s luckless crew.

As usual little encouragement was needed to scrutinise the aforementioned proceedings aided by the consumption of the obligatory gallon of ale !!!

So onward it is to Event 3 which as being Captains prerogative will be changed from “Cyclo Polo and a bit of something else” to a different format given the plans the Vice Captain has for the final event. Details to be soon announced but perhaps with a “Joker” card system to aid some of the performances of “the tail end Charlies”

RESULTS

POSITION
ENTRANT
OVERALL TIME
BONUS POINTS
TOTAL POINTS
1
BERNI BLACK
65 MINS
0
5
1
KEV THE SEX GOD PLANE
0
5
1
TUBBY TONY 2
0
5
1
DICKIE LUVLESS
0
5
2
HARTY
67 MINS
0
4
2
THE FLYING JOCKMAN
0
4
2
OPTION THE MACHEN MEMORY CHAMPION
0
4
2
ROG
0
4
3
SELFISH SCHLONG
68 MINS
0
3
3
OBE THE LONELY
0
3
3
RUSS
0
3
3
JOHNSY
0
3
4
JIMMY MAC
70 MINS
0
2
4
ENZO
0
2
4
DAF
0
2
4
PEALY
0
2
5
FRUSTATED ADE

77 MINS

0
1
5
THE FLYING WRIGHTY BROTHER
0
1
5
CROCK
0
1
5
WRONG WAY DAI EYE

 

0
1
Non Riders - SLUG, BEAKER, PELLET, GAZ, MARTY, REG, OWGIE, BUDGIE, GYPO, CHRISSIE

OVERALL STANDINGS AFTER EVENT 2

POSITION
ENTRANT
TOTAL POINTS
1
OPTION
30
2
SLUG
29
TONY
29
JOHNSY
29
3
KEV
28
JOCK
28
BEAKER
28
4
PELLET
27
5
RUSS
26
6
JIMMY MAC
25
PEALY
25
ENZO
25
GAZ
25
MARTY
25
7
CROCK
24
DAI EYE
24
REG
24
8
OWGIE
23
9
DAF
13
10
BERNI

5

 
DICKIE

5

11
HARTY

4

ROG

4

12
SCHLONG

3

OBE

3

13
ADE

1

 
WRIGHTY

1

WHO’S GOING TO WIN THE £100:00 ??

Dib Dib

Captain Knottwit, Vice and the old fella

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