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Ant's report - the 'orrible one

18th November 2009

The Short Way Around

There were 25 riders starting out, all in deep discussion about the antics of the infamous ‘Clunker Classic Ride’ which appears to have gone down with a banged up, tossing, smashing and crashing. Firstly the Wednesday night ride to be discussed.

The herd all began ascending up towards Turner’s lane in one long convoy, all feeling the agony from the clunker’s torments. At the top a sharp turn down towards 2 mile climb, which was pretty slippery though fun. Then onwards and upwards towards the top of 2 mile and the headed towards the Zig Zags. Which was again slippery, and had its casualties as Andrew had a suspected fracture of the wrist, and there were a couple of mechanicals. Such as. Dode’s puncture and Option’s mangled rear mech.

A quick pint in the Church house then a blast across the tips and towards the Forge. There we listened to some live music which was relaxing and mellow, such as is the Forge. Then down to HQ for burger and chips. There some very childish antics continued on from the Clunker, as the shenanigans and club members still show their childish and uncontrollable behaviours. Also it was good to see Dave , I did like his new cycle jersey which was black and white stripes, what a smashing new fashion statement.

Now onto the infamous Clunker Classic Ride, which began at the TA, and weren’t we all looking smart in our formal wear. Some were looking like farmers, others like naval ship men, and others looking like JR from Dallas etc etc. Our first challenge was having to perform 5 star jumps, run around the TA, 5 push ups and downing a pint of Guinness. Our people’s champ Wrighty performed well, which must have been his golden hat.

Then the hoard clunked over to the Rec for a bit of sprinting across the rugby pitch, there were no Usain Bolts amongst us. A long walk up towards the forestry ready for our next challenge. Another Le Mans style race down the fire road on towards ‘dogger’s’ car park. Which led us then to the Maenllwyd for a couple of pints. Some of the locals thought we were all over dressed (NEVER).

The convoy went back up towards the forestry and on to Cwmlaishen quarry, there we attempted to do some skids down one of our trails, then the next challenge was to throw all of our bikes off the cliff jump. They all laid in a heap at the bottom of the cliff all mangled and bent. Somehow we all got back on our clunkers after bending them all back into shape making them ride-able again. We commenced back up the forest and on towards the trail which led onto the Holly Bush. But first there was one more trick up Beakwit’s sleeve. Scholong created some carnage by throwing his bike on the floor onto on-coming moo traffic. Last challenge, was to roll our bikes down the trail until they ‘crashed and burnt.’

We all proceeded on to the Holly Bush and continued to get wasted. We began to play more shenanigans by testing if our bikes could float in the stream, and Russell drying his dinner jacket in the fire, and much to my disappointment my fluffy toy was sacrificed (the collection disappearing). Things were beginning to get messy so decided to get back to HQ. Some walked, some took other people’s clunkers, others caused mayhem on the main road by playing with vehicles. It was beginning to get treacherous.

I think it all become a blur on wards, and people started departing as their conversations were ‘mumble jumbled.’ I heard that some people stayed out until very late doing a whole 12hrs, others went to other pubs and others are facing jail sentences. The Clunker Classic Ride is/has become a must for the future and was a success for all.

I want to know when is someone getting married for another p*** up. We have the Santa ride to look forward too and then the presentation night.

Next weeks ride will be taken by Scrips, then it will be taken by Crock the following week.

Happy reading

Daf The Twentieth Century Toy Boy

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