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Captain Knottwit - At last, some intelligence

21st January 2009

Captain’s Welcome and Address:

Thanks for the Poison Chalice !!!!

Some say, since Moos records began that an “outsider” would never make it to the upper hierarchy. Well it is has happened, so feck your luck and accept the invasion of the non Machen clique. No more molly cuddling for you guys. If you like your steak done rare then you’ll get it medium because that’s the way I like it. Looks like the appointed Vice and me are from the “SPADE IS A SPADE” school so the chances of there being any dicking about this year are well gone. Black or White it is this year chaps with Grey definitely off the agenda.

So here it is:-

Captain’s First Rule : “If you don’t like it, BOLL*CKS”.
Vice Captain’s First Rule : “You’ll do it my way”.

The Chances are that I’ll eat my words at the end of the year or be voted off at mid point but quite simply I don’t give a shite. A calendar of events written in plain English by my esteemed colleague and Vice has been prepared and is to be circulated hopefully tonight. This gives you plenty of notice to plan your year ahead. Events will occur regardless. Instructions for the forthcoming Sports Evenings and final Sports day are soon to be released. Hopefully we’ll get some good weather !!!

And to the ride:-

The Ride:

The Riders : Captain, Vice, Gaz, Mark, Schlong, Dickie, Pealy, Crock, Reg, Harty, Marty, Jimmy.

The Inexcused : Option, Jock, Slug, Lettuce, Enzo, Russ, Gypo – for departing early and crying of cold and wet - failed to complete the ride.

The Excused : Johnny Wright – light failure.

The Provider : God


Some say it was the atrocious wet weather and mud trail conditions; some say it was the choice of ride; some say it was the Captain being a tw*t but in any event it was a ride to be remembered for the wrong reasons. Worst ride of the year ? - I doubt it. Let’s see what DAF and JOHNSY are likely to do to redeem themselves this year.

Twenty riders were to start; seven were to “leave early”; twelve were to complete the ride and only ten were to make it back to HQ.

Well it was a steady but mud slowed climb up the usual fire road to the car park with conditions worsening on the way up, along with everybody’s enthusiasm for the ride. The first signs of capitulation were to be uttered by the Oompah Lumpa in the car park before heading off toward the Maenllwyd. A swift retort by the Captain seemed to settle the moaning mini. All riders made it to the top of Rudry Common to enjoy amber views of Caerphilly between the horizontal rain and like sheep Schlong and Pealy sought weather protection from the available landscape. The downhill after the Common was certainly entertaining with those choosing to descend first enjoying the best of the bad conditions. More whinging was to be heard during the sensible tarmac climb to Cometson’s farm leading to the split of seven Moos from the herd at the Ridgeway cross–road. Shame on you. This left twelve riders to climb to the back Ridgeway overlooking Cardiff which our esteemed ex Vice proclaimed would be an all-weather trail. A final mud slide down through the back of Lisvane woods to the river provided the final grin or perhaps grimace of the day.

A brief respite was taken at the Maenllwydd Inn before heading back to HQ which resembled a graveyard with most Moos opting to go home.

Summary:
Planned route significantly altered.

Shite weather.
Great ride despite mud conditions.

Crap Ride Report
Yours Aye

Captain Knotwit

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