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Captain Johnsy's address

22nd April 2015

The S### Ride Report

The pants had unfortunately came to me for my annual sh## ride of the year, and to those of you who I had put that traumatic experience on to them 9 years ago. Or to the new members then I'll brief yourselves.

My intentions was to take the herd on an ultra endurance ride they'd never forget. Beginging by climbing Turner's lane, across to Green Meadows golf course, down to Blackwood, up to Maesycwmer, towards Ystrad Mynach, up Gelligaer, up Penalta park and Nelson. No pub stops! No D/H. No smiling. So what did I do next! Rode towards Ystrad, up towards the dog kennels, and choosing to climb back up to Bedwas tips via a steep rocky ascent, down the switch backs. Up and down into Bedwas. We didn't even have a pint in the Church House which was one of our favourable establishments, but we plodded on! Down to Machen. All I can now do is reflect back on the torture I put on those that night, those who endured the Sh##est ride in Machen Miggly Moo history. So to those old or new that is the reason why similarly to Crock getting vagina of the month/year consecutively. I also get something s##t consecutively as some things can't be forgotten.

I have done other rides since over the years, some awesome, others almost as bad as the Penalta park experience. So that is what brings me to the 2015 s### ride.

The wearher was fine and the sun had been shining non stop for at least a month. I think I needed to redeem myself with an awesome ride, so where was I going to take the herd this time?  As those of you know my s### rides can also consist of the Velvet path and up to the Marsstt. This is almost predictable for me. Not a good start! As I could hear Newb's wrath from the bottom to top. So more climbing to the top and the 1st DH was Kwala, 2nd DH Front trail, 3rd DH Nasty which I now pronounce it as the Pleasant trail with a new sculptured gradient at the bottom suitable for dog walkers and young children learning to ride for the very 1st time. Gents I had to turn it s### somewhere I couldn't stop the urge! So from Pleasant trail back up towards the Mushroom trail and down towards the garages. A pint in the Top club which was a 1st for the Moos. Then some nice hot not cold Passsties from MRFC.

So I hope you all enjoyed my s### ride, and hope you'll all join me next year for my annual and now consecutive s### ride of the year. Next weeks ride HTC. (hunt the Crock)

Yours truly and honourably