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Captain Johnsy's address

25th February 2015

Ride Report
Wed 25th Feb Timeline:


Missus: ‘You out on your bike tonight?’
Spindles: ‘No its an early start, 3am, for the stag-do to Benidorm on Friday, so I’ll be giving biking a miss tonight!’

8am – 8.20am   
Car on way to work

Spindles to self: ‘Shit it’s my ride tonight!..........Can’t be arsed with that! Who can I offload tonight’s ride onto?……………who hasn’t done a ride yet? ……………..Berni?..........Khalid? ……… oh feck, the knickers! ………….who can I get them to today?! ……….Ade? ……..Option? (getting desperate now!)………..bollocks!’


Spindles to self: ‘Oh feck it, might as well do a ride and get it over with for another 6 months!’

Text from a Chinese fella who lives down The Oak

Chinese fella: ‘Herro Owg, I am running a rittle rate, where are yu going on yu ride? I might have to catch yu up.’
Spindles reply: ‘So am I!, Rhyd Y Gwern woods’

riding off drive    Spindles to self: ‘Right, where can I take that rabble tonight?!..........doesn’t really matter, they’ll moan wherever I take them!’

6.40pm Machen Legion

(Chinese fella from The Oak sitting at table as Spindles pulls up)
Spindles to Chinese fella from The Oak: ‘Thought you said you were going to be late?’

Due to writing this following subsequent ‘stag do’ to Benidorm, I cannot really remember too much
about the ride, but the lowlights (if any!) were:
The old faithful ‘Brokeback’ to start
Crock has a little look and decides to ‘give it a go.’ As usual he makes sure he’s safely down before
his raspy little voice is heard ‘Ride it mun, you f**kers, c’mon, what’s the matter with you!!’
Those that did not attempt; you have been noted, sort yourselves out!
First climb into woods
Clarkey makes a charge for it, and finds himself in an unaccustomed lead. He is not used to this
position so early in a ride (and not on a mutiny!) and eventually comes over a little queer! The queer
isn’t happy, but what does he expect being on his own, in the woods, in the dark?!

Comments overheard on climb: ‘dew, dew, this is hard going!’, ‘feck me, it’s wet’, ‘this mud is like
sh*t to a blanket innit’, ‘my bike is twice as heavy with this b*stard mud’, ‘thought it would be wet,
but didn’t realise it would be this bad’

Jock’s rear mech collapse
I think I remember the old fella having a rear mech mechanical. I’ll hedge my bets putting it in, cos it
happen’s on nearly every ride this year! The ‘Marquis of Machen’ can afford it though.

Dafs snapped frame
I’ve had a word with the manufacturer and they have extended the warranty period in this case.
They are dumfounded as to why the frame has failed with it being ridden by a racing whippet.  They
are now bringing out an extra hardcore version of the frame to go into their current line-up of RACE,
XC, and PRO. The new version is to be called an ‘MP’. Not sure what this stands for?! ……..Any ideas?  

Monthly Awards
I didn’t get Rider of the Month yet again, that’s all I know!
Crock probably had one, but not the one mentioned above!

Over an out Captain,